Tree jokes
What's the difference between an apple and emos?
They both hang on trees.
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
You were supposed to be born in the tree.
The sticks were your siblings.
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
What do you call Tarzan when he swings through the trees backwards?
Nazrat.
Memes
What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?
The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".
The tree never responded; it left him hanging.
How did the retard get hurt raking the leaves?
Fell out of the tree.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
What kinds of apples grow on trees?
All of them.
What does an apple and a gay person have in common?
Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.
Q: What did one koala say to the other? A: How's it hanging? 😂
Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?
A: Fall.
If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
Apples look better hanging on a tree.
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.