Tree jokes
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
What's the difference between an apple and emos?
They both hang on trees.
What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
Apples look better hanging on a tree.
You were supposed to be born in the tree.
The sticks were your siblings.
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?
The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.
What do you call Tarzan when he swings through the trees backwards?
Nazrat.
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
What kinds of apples grow on trees?
All of them.
What does an apple and a gay person have in common?
Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.
Q: What did one koala say to the other? A: How's it hanging? 😂
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?
A: Fall.
If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.