Tree jokes
An emo and a leaf fall from a tree, which hits the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo got caught by the rope.
Why are trees afraid of dogs? Because they bark.
What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"
Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
Two blonde girls find a beautiful Christmas tree in the woods.
After two hours, someone said, "We found a tree without bark!"
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
Answer: The family tree!
The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.
The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.
The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.
The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."
This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.
What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?
Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
What is the difference between a tree and walking home from a wheelchair?
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
Why can’t an emo have sex?
They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.
What do emos and a bird nest have in common?
They both hang from a tree.
Did the leaf or the emo fall out of the tree? The leaf won. The rope stopped the emo.
How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope they hung themself in...
What type of apple grows on a tree?
All of them.
Oh, the monkeys in the trees, they dance and they play, Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, they chatter all day. Their tails so long, their hands so fine, they swing and they sway, In the trees, they're the kings of the fray.
Their antics bring joy, their laughter so free, They're a delight to watch, as they jump and they spree. Their mischief is contagious, their fun so true, They're a treasure, a gift to me and you.
Their little hands so deft, their feet so light, They swing through the trees, with grace and might. They're a wonder, a marvel to see, A precious gift, a treasure to me.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"