Travel jokes

Are you French? Because I Eiffel for you.

As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.

How do rabbits travel?

By hareplane.

What does the cow say when it's going on holiday? - MOOOOOYORK.

Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?

Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.

Teacher: We are going to Seville.

Girls: Omg, it's such a beautiful city. I can't wait to explore!

Boys: Ohh oh oh ohhh.

Omg thanks for 1000 likes!

I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.

I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.

What do you call a devil texting you? Travelers on the way. 😈🤣

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.

Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?

Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.

It was women driving the planes for 9/11.

If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)

*Titanic was sinking.*

Passenger: Hey, captain, how far away are we?

Captain: Two miles.

Passenger: Which way are we going?

Captain: Down.

Why can orphans travel around so much?

A. They never get homesick.

Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.

I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!

My four conditions:

1. I need coffee.

2. I need vacation.

3. I need food.

4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."

The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"

Yo mama so fat, she crosses every border.