Travel jokes
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
It was women driving the planes for 9/11.
I went to Pen Island for vacation this summer. There were a lot of bones.
A Muslim enters a building... Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
Who would you choose?
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
Your chin is where I went on ski vacation.
How do rabbits travel?
By hareplane.
What's the worst time to fly a plane?
Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.
Why did the Italian cross the road?
C'era un uliveto.
My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:
"Looks like I am going back to the future!"
Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.
Teacher: We are going to Seville.
Girls: Omg, it's such a beautiful city. I can't wait to explore!
Boys: Ohh oh oh ohhh.
Omg thanks for 1000 likes!
Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."