Travel jokes
What does a foreigner say when he comes to America?
I don't know, I don't speak foreignish...
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
Why did Shawn suddenly fly to Mount Everest, leaving behind friends, family, and food?
Someone told him that "Shelby"'s coming 'round the mountain.
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)
It was women driving the planes for 9/11.
What do you call a devil texting you? Travelers on the way. 😈🤣
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.
*Titanic was sinking.*
Passenger: Hey, captain, how far away are we?
Captain: Two miles.
Passenger: Which way are we going?
Captain: Down.
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.
Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side?
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
Why can orphans travel around so much?
A. They never get homesick.