Travel jokes
A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!
(Standing means: penis erection)
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.
Why did the astronaut return to Earth?
She went on her launch break! 🚀🥪😋
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
Why did the rapper go to space?
To drop some COSMIC RHYMES!
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
What is the difference between a tree and walking home from school?
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?
The blond because she had to ask for directions.
A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...
... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
Why can't orphans go on a field trip?
They need their parents' permission. 😆😆😆😆😆😆
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
How did Sally get a free trip to Hawaii? She washed up on shore.
The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by hilarious comedian Isaac Butterfield.
Q: What is a Karen called in Europe?
A: An American.
My friend misspelled "Mexico" and got here.
He sucked his sister's poop hole.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.