A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guys says "Well I've always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says "Well I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
hey hunter, thomas here why did the plane cross the road to get to the other side thanks guys remember to like it means a lot
My wife told me "don't buy 1 gun while on your trip" so I decided to buy 2 guns instead
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Hi 🙋♀️ I’m going back home ii
I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa .☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted. The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered Pristiano Penaldo 😭.I was right guys ✅🛫
You never told me you were part orangutan, have you considered taking a vacation to Planet of the Apes?
What do you call a muslim flying a plane... A pilot
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
One day I was very happy, I managed to win lottery and receive free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia! Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived towards me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why is he doing this only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.
Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruin my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!
Me : “You guys wanna know a cool fact?” Friend 1 : “Yeah” Friend 2 : “Yea” Me : “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.” Friend 3 : “I love anime.” Friend 1 & 2 : “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Me : *Laughs at Friend 3*
The Barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Why did the basketball player not get on the bus? Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂
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Everybody was kung flu dying It travelled as fast as lightning 2020 was expert timing In fact it was a little bit frightening
So one day, I took a trip to Russia, and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any body guards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days. After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I had said yes, and the officer said god help us. So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent, and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said. I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy. He said we did, and that we were extremely drunk.
Three friends were stuck in the desert they were struggling and trying to find food when. A they found a magical lamp the rubbed it and out came a genie and genie says "each of you friends get to have one wish" so the first friend said I wish to go home same as the second one the third friend said " I'm lonely I wish my friends were with me"
wanna go to suicide school then time travel to Hitler's bunker and aski him to teach you
Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
'I built a big house for our mum,' said the first.
'I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,' said the second.
And the third smiled and said, 'I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.'
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
'The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.'
To the second son she said, 'I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.'
To the third son she wrote 'Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!'
What do you call a devil texting you Travelers on the way😈🤣
Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.
