I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight
my mom once ate a full giant cheesecake and we were walking to our flight back home and she had to shat. we were walking to the bathroom and she full on in front of the caroulsel, she had a lump of poo in her pants... true story haha
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise who gets their first Obviously the lesbian couple they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
'I built a big house for our mum,' said the first.
'I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,' said the second.
And the third smiled and said, 'I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.'
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
'The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.'
To the second son she said, 'I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.'
To the third son she wrote 'Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!'
I went to pen island for vacation this summer, there were a lot of bones
>Sell PC >Go to Croatia >Try to fly to the US to meet female >US wont let me in >End up in Norway >female leaves me >Female gets arrested by feds >Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics
Just another day in the defib life
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
A orphan went up to nicolas tesla and asked to travel in time he then saw his parents put him in a building saying you now live here!!
How do you get 1000 followers? Walk into an African village with a water bottle
I asked my dad, "are we there yet" and he told me "don't worry son it will be a short ride"
Q:Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean
A:to find his dad
This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣
Is your hairline a time traveler because it went way back
Me : “You guys wanna know a cool fact?” Friend 1 : “Yeah” Friend 2 : “Yea” Me : “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.” Friend 3 : “I love anime.” Friend 1 & 2 : “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Me : *Laughs at Friend 3*
17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved they quickly resolved the threat.
Guy 1: How far are we going?
Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.
Why does Jesus never vacation on earth?, because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick and their still talking about it
I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
So Steph Curry and Lebron Jame went on a vacation and Steph Curry said try not to travel
(A scientist time travels into the year 2024) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
