Travel jokes
I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.
Why can't orphans go to a five-star hotel?
Question: Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
Answer: Because there was a... crack in it!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! :)
What's the most delicious city in the world? Hamburg.
TJ's hairline is so far back, if you travel back in time, you still won't find it.
Why does Jesus never vacation on Earth?
Because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick, and they're still talking about it!
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
A blonde crashes an airplane.
Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?
Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.
Officer: *face palms self*
Also officer: Here's your sign.
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...
... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
Why can't orphans go on a field trip?
They need their parents' permission. 😆😆😆😆😆😆
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
Why can orphans travel around so much?
A. They never get homesick.
Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."
What does a foreigner say when he comes to America?
I don't know, I don't speak foreignish...
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.
Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.
One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"
The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"
What do we call a skeleton who has a ton of travels?
A skele-TON!