Travel jokes
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!
So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?
The blond because she had to ask for directions.
Question: Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
Answer: Because there was a... crack in it!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! :)
We don't got sluts in the South, we got NATS: Nasty Ass Traveling Sluts.
I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?
She washed up on the beach.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
Where does a pianist go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or No," she replied.
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
Q: If a boat could fly, where would it go?
A: An airport.
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
- What do you call a bee who flew to United States? - "USB"
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."