Travel jokes
At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!
Are you Paris, 'cause Eiffel for you.
Teacher: We are going to Seville.
Girls: Omg, it's such a beautiful city. I can't wait to explore!
Boys: Ohh oh oh ohhh.
Omg thanks for 1000 likes!
I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.
"You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?"
I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.
I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost the case.
Yo daddy so stupid, he went to the HO-tel to see some hoes.
The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.
"Nepal is a good place because it has been a great time for me."
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
Bob: Hey bud, remember we're going to space!
Carol: Really? I forgot to planet.
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.
EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
What do you call it when a town on the south coast of England sprouts legs and starts walking around the country?
A walkie-Torquay.