Travel jokes
I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost the case.
Yo daddy so stupid, he went to the HO-tel to see some hoes.
The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.
"Nepal is a good place because it has been a great time for me."
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
Bob: Hey bud, remember we're going to space!
Carol: Really? I forgot to planet.
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.
EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
What do you call it when a town on the south coast of England sprouts legs and starts walking around the country?
A walkie-Torquay.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
A man walks into an AA meeting and asks for a roadmap.
I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!
I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.