"Nepal is a good place because it has been a great time for me."
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
Bob: Hey bud, remember we're going to space!
Carol: Really? I forgot to planet.
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.
EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
What do you call it when a town on the south coast of England sprouts legs and starts walking around the country?
A walkie-Torquay.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
A man walks into an AA meeting and asks for a roadmap.
I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!
I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.
We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.
I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".
So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".
So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"
I know, it's an awful joke.
Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.
What's up with airline food?
What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?
He used a bus.
A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!
(Standing means: penis erection)
Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."
