Transportation jokes
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get ran over by a truck.
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.
Anyone seen these lately?
Mosely in a white van.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
Were you born on a highway? Because most accidents happen on the highway.
Best way to trick your friends:
A brick falls out of a plane.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.
Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)
What's the difference between a sports car and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a sports car in my garage.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
If a pregnant woman is under water, isn't she technically a submarine?
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
My friends were the pilots on 9/11, they told me, "Bro, chill, it's just a prank!"