Transportation jokes
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
One day, Billy cow wandered off to the railroad tracks where his mother always told him not to go. His mother asked him where he had gone when he got home. He replied that he was just going for a graze. His neighbor later told his mother he had saw him at the railroad tracks. What would you call Billy cow now?
Ground Beef.
There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.
There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.
I did a good job and walk walk home and walk walk to the car and drive. What is the difference between a good [what]?
What is something that smells yuck? 🤮
Old bus seats.
real
What do you call a school bus driver that keeps going to sleep? A monster.
When a plane is having turbulence, it’s just the pilot shaking the steering.
Hey Hunter, Thomas here.
Why did the plane cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Thanks guys, remember to like it, means a lot!
What happened when the duck crossed the road?
It crossed the road.
What kind of bus is yellow? A school bus driver.
I guess this is pretty plane.
I am sorry I am just winging it.
Wow, I guess these jokes haven't taken off.
Wow, I just landed that one!
A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?
Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.
How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.
How did she survive?
Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.
"Today was the worst day ever." "Why?" Because my ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
What do you call a Flying Pilot? Because he can go pee on the plane!
What do you call an autistic kid going down the stairs in a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels!
What do you call a kid on a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
What do you call a train that carries glue?
A glue-glue train!
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other side?
What is big, yellow, and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What's grey and can't fly? A parking lot.