Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
P = Person (not original "pun")
P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!
(Communications with this person are now blocked)
Timmy has 5 apples.
His train is 7 minutes early.
Calculate the mass of the sun.
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.
Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.
1: My grandpa died last year.
2: What kind of cancer?
1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
Q) What did the airplane say to the little boy?
A) Nothing, airplanes don't talk!
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
Two boys are talking on the bus.
Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?
Boy 1: Oh, that's right.
Today; Worst day ever
My annoying sibling got hit by a train and I lost my job as a conductor.
A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
A magician is driving, but then he "turns" into a driveway.
If you get this joke, you have no personality at all. Send all the help you can get:).
Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
