Transportation jokes
"September 11th plane driving classes for free."
Your mum is so fat, I had to take 2 buses and a train to get to her good side.
Your forehead is so big you could land a plane on it.
Your forehead is so fucking big, I had to call an Uber to get across the eyebrows to your hairline.
I know it's bad, sorry.
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator? He was fired because he couldn't learn the route.
I like trains.
*train hits him*
My dad died in 9/11....
He was a good driver.
My [blank] is long and yellow that can't swim.
A school bus full of children.
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man!
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On the school bus, the pricks are on the inside, but on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.
You know why they call her Wonder Woman?
She's always wondering where she parked her invisible jet.
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
Why do midgets have to wear a green bright jacket when crossing the road?
Because they will get turned into a pancake even more.
It's not funny, I know.
What did the traffic light say to the other?
"Hey, stop looking at me! I'm changing!"
What's green and has wheels? Grass.
I was just lying about the wheels.
What's green and has wheels?
Grass, I was just lying about the wheels.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,
Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.