Training jokes

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?

Your hair line is curved like a moving train.

I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.

It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.

Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.

German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.

American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.

African XP farms: Cotton field.

What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.

Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...

Are they just given a quick crash course?

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

How does a train sneeze?

It goes, "A-choo choo!"

Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?

If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.

My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.

I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team.

Because I hate dealing with parents.

When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?

When he is on the train.

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

Which train is loaded with bubble gum?

A chew-chew train.

Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.

The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, the train.