Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
If you fuck your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.
How do you start an Ethiopian rave?
Stick toast to the ceiling.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
