A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
Why do brides wear white?
So they match the kitchen appliances.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
How do Chinese people name their children?
They drop a tin can down a flight of stairs and call them the sound that's made.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
What’s my favorite Islamic Holiday... 9/11.
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
If you fuck your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
