Tradition jokes
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
They made the toys.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
Why is Santa so fat?
He only comes once a year.
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-tea.
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?
Because they have no family.
Jesus walked, so Mohammad can fly.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
Why do brides wear white?
So they match the kitchen appliances.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.