Toy jokes
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
They always come back.
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
What do you call a teddy bear that fooled you?
Stuffed.
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
A couple has sex in the dark every single night.
One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."
Father: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Father: So you won’t be bored. You’re going to need them there.
What do you call a toy that has a story?
Toy Story.
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
Did you hear they’re making an Elmo toy to appeal to the Tourette’s crowd?
I believe it’s called the “Tic Me Elmo.”
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.
I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called ‘em “Duplocates.”
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
What do you call a Barbie doll that’s wearing scrubs?
A plastic surgeon. 😷
"Bob it, twist it, pull it, hit it, turn it, twist it, slide it."
One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"
Balls are annoying. They just bounce and never keep still.
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.