Worst Jokes Ever
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
The sun isn’t the only thing that rose up this morning...
What does a serial killer make for breakfast?
Scrambled legs and toes.
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five? Logan Paul left him hanging.
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.
Did you know my grandpa was in WW2? He killed Hitler.
Why did everyone suggest that the cheetah eat all the pumpkins?
Because he cheated at everything!
What is black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
Three zebras fighting over a pickle.
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?
Orange because they're having a they/them baby.
What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night?
Hanson.
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.
Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.