Worst Jokes Ever

I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?

They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

What did God say when he made the first woman?

"Where is your dick at?"

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?

Because every little bit helps!

Why did the telemarketer cross the road?

I don't know.

I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?

"Chancel culture!"

Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

I feel bad for all American Clash Royale players.

They always start with two towers downed.

Why does your grandma like gardening so much?

Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.

What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?

The cabbage patch.

Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"

What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

Teacher: How much is a gram?

Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.