Worst Jokes Ever
What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?
A black woman dressed for church.
What are the three worst years of a black child's life?
First grade!
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.
Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.
After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.
It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."
The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"
The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"
The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.
Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.
Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?
They have a dot in the middle of the head.
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
If you think I would joke about Alzheimer's, forget it.
What happened after George Floyd went to the drugstore to buy Zicam Extreme Congestion Relief?
George Floyd was able to breathe again.
George Floyd was in a TV show, Fresh Prince, with no air.
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?
There's none, they both don't age well.