Worst Jokes Ever
What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.
World leaders are so old, they've got nostalgia for the Cambrian explosion.
USA: "Never forget 9/11."
Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"
What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.
What does Michael Jackson say when he grabs his crotch? I never noticed that before.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
Why did Bruce Jenner cross the road?
To see how the other side felt!
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.
What do you call it when a gay guy eats Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
Wanda and Daredevil have so much in common.
They both wear red, they're both in Marvel, and they both lost their Vision!
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣