Worst Jokes Ever
What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?
The cow never made it.
What's the easiest way to get straight A's? Use a ruler.
Why did the orphan fail all his classes?
He couldn’t do his homework.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
They always come back.
A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...
...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.
"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."
The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'
They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'
Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...
Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."
She replied, emphatically, "No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"
Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"
Why don't orphans go to Family Dollar? They don't have a family to go with 'em.
The F in "I'm orphan" stands for family.
But there is no F.
You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.
Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.
You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.
I got up one day; my neighbor was in my house and was going to take me and my mom out. I showed my mom and my neighbor a trick. They both liked it. I asked my neighbor, "Do you know any tricks?" He said, "Yes, in matter of fact, I could tell you what your mom had for breakfast." I said, "How?" Well, my neighbor licked my mom's ass and ate her pussy out in front of me. He told me my mom had pancakes. So we were in the car; I asked my neighbor, "How did you know what my mom had pancakes for breakfast?" My neighbor said, "Well, that is what your mom made me while we were waiting for you to get up."
What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)
My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
Why can’t orphans have Google Homes?
Because they don’t have a home.
Where do mermaids get a job?
At the kelp wanted station.
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.