Worst Jokes Ever
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?
A black woman dressed for church.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?
Hitler knew when his career was over.
There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.
Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.
After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.
How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
USA: "Never forget 9/11."
Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"
What does a gay guy and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go...woo woo woo.
There are three Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?
The cop!
What did one orphan say to the other one?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin."
Did you know Kurt had dandruff?
Found his head and shoulders behind the couch.
What is Mexicans' favorite sport?
Cross-country.
My girlfriend accuse me of cheating. I asked her what was I supposed to do? She was just lying naked she said just do the damn autopsy.
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.