Worst Jokes Ever
I make baby mush.
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
Yo mama so ugly, she made the band One Direction go the other direction!
What do you call sweaty titties?
Humititties.
Wanna hear two short jokes and one long one?
joke, joke, jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?
I haven’t banged a hooker.
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?
It has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
Q: Why can't pilots play Jenga?
A: Because they will just hit the Twin Towers.
My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.
"Osama bin Laden playing MW2 Air Strike inbound."
James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.
Why did the lonely fish get a detention? Because he left the school.
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
Where do you buy cows in bulk?
At the stock market.