Worst Jokes Ever

What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.

A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."

Your forehead is so big you could roast meat on it.

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?

Give her a shovel.

There is a new kind of jock strap; it only holds one nut. It is called a Trump supporter.

What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?

I've been raped!

What does NASA stand for?

Not A Space Agency.

How do you keep a moron in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow!

Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

She said, "Who's there?"

I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

Get a head in life by decapitating someone.

Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.

Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?

Where does the resistor go after a long day?

It goes Ohm.

Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!

If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?

What do you call a Russian pharmacist?

"Ivan Astichestykov."