Worst Jokes Ever

I tell orphan jokes like there ain’t no parents around.

I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.

When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.

When I woke, I was being sexually abused.

Why does NASA only serve Coke?

Because they can't get Seven-Up!

If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.

Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"

Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?

I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."

Why can't you kill a hooker?

Because they're dead inside anyway.

Why is 10 afraid?

Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.

What is Helen Keller's son's name? Hrrrrrrr.

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

My face when “Free Palestine” wasn’t a sales deal.

World leaders are so old, they've got nostalgia for the Cambrian explosion.