Worst Jokes Ever
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
A man walked into a bar...
Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
Chuck Norris is so immortal, even he killed Death.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Susan. Susan who? Season your chicken, it's too plain!
Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.