What do cannibals call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Surprise.
Worst Jokes Ever
How is there evidence of climate change?
The liberal snowflakes are drastically melting down!
Why did the emo go to the store?
To buy bleach.
Say "I hop in this:".
I made you eat your peas! 🤦
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...
Why do poor people eat insects?
Because they're locust!
Aren't paraplegics just plegics who can fly?
What kind of udder likes McDonald's?
Udderly unhealthy.
I don't know, I don't have one.
News: Ook! says an interviewed monkey.
What's the name of a crazy crap that wins everything? Winnie da Pooh.
Why can’t the emo play in trees? They’ll leave ‘em hanging.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
Why can't orphans play football?
Because they can't be on the home team.
Why did the emo kid like the all black Oreos?
'Cause they're dark.
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
Imagine being expelled from school for bringing a weapon to school.
What’s the difference between an onion and a viola?
No one cries when they cut up the viola.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.
