Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

  • 8

    • What do you call a group of Emo kids?

    Suicide Squad.

    What jumps and never let's go?

    An Emo kid.

    I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.

    Dead.

    Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?

    The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.

    Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.

    The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"

    He grabs a noose.

  • 4

    • There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.

    If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

    The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

    My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

    My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...

    What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.

    What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.

    What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.

    What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.

  • 9

    • A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.

    My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."

  • 8

    • A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.

    "Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."

    "Why not?"

    "He keeps peeing in the pool."

    "Well, all kids pee in the pool."

    "Not from the diving board!"

    A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

    One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

    A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

    "Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

  • 6