Worst Jokes Ever
There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."
Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."
Priest, "How so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."
Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"
Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."
Then Matt walks out the door.
Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
Is a selfie of an orphan a self-portrait or family photo?
What’s a Mexican's favorite game?
Borderlands.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your dad is gay, so are you.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he had someone to call a father.
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
What do you call a 90-year-old black man?
Antique farming equipment.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Why was 8 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a 6 offender.
Dark humor is just like water,
some people get it, some people don't.
Someone asked me my gender... I said, "Woah, man."
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
I made a website for orphans.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why do Americans suck at chess? Because they lost two towers.
Why was 10 afraid?
Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What do you call a Mexican's prison?
The border.