Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Job

    • There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

  • 3

    • Death

    • Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

    Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

    Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

    Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

    Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

    Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

    Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

  • 1

    • Life

    • Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

    Me: power button.

  • 2

    • Jesus

    • Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

    "13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

    "Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

    "You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

  • 2

    • Milk

    • Man: Cow milk is drinkable.

    Other man: How do you know that?

    Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*

    Other man: John...h-how do you know that!

  • 1

    • Suicide

    • My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

  • 1

    • Jack

    • Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.

    Silly Jill forgot her pill,

    And now there's little Frankey.

  • 1

    • Coffin

    • Me: Good night, everyone.

    My friends and family: Night.

    Me: *gets in coffin*

    My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

    My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

  • 1

    • Rope

    • I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

  • 1

    • Babysitter

    • Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.

    I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.

    When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.

  • 1