Worst Jokes Ever
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead because of you.
Actually, not because of you... because of your face.
Women be like, "Don't body shame," then goes to body shame men's heights.
Women be like men cause wars, [but] forget men fight those wars while they fake cry.
Women be like men are trash, [but] forgets women raised those men.
I like dildos.
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
Why can't Tottenham open a restaurant? Because they have no silverware.
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
I hate you—if you look at the first letters of the words, you'll know what I mean.
Interfischl
Happy
Apple
Tea
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Hudididada hada dudo
Hudididada hada du energy
Hudididada hada dudo
Hudididada hada ah ah ah ah ah BOP
....energy
Why do orphans go to church?
So at least they will have someone to call father.
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”
He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”
Did you hear about the Chinese student?
Me neither.
When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A chopping board.
Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.
I miss Gwen.