Worst Jokes Ever

I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.

I made a video game about a depressed, self-harming goth.

It's mostly unskippable cutscenes though... :/

People are pushing for a new black Lady Liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.

I would roast you, but your mirror does it every time you look into it.

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He just couldn't see that well.

What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?

Kinder

What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.

What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.

Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?

After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.

Richard: Mom, someone called me gay.

Richard's mom: Why didn't you slap him across his face?

Richard: No, I couldn't.

Richard's mom: Why?

Richard: Because he was cute.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?

Just turn off the lights.