Worst Jokes Ever
What type of cake can't orphans eat?
Home made.
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.
What song did Whitney Houston listen to while doing cocaine?
"Run It!" by Chris Brown.
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
How do tourists feed their kids?
Here comes the airplane, here comes the second one.
What's the difference between Nickelback and a nickel?
A nickel is actually metal.
What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What would a Down syndrome Ben 10 alien be called?
Chromostone.
What would Hitler do if he was in Minecraft?
Mien.
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Trees are just bushes with lift kits.