Worst Jokes Ever
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W. H. O.
Why can't orphans go on game shows?
You need a family member.
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
I got jealous when my phone dies.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a train.
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a playground.
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.
Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.
Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he doesn't know if he is black or white.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?
They don’t deserve rights!
Where did Lucy go after the bombing?
Everywhere.
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?