I was crying when my dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
Worst Jokes Ever
I got jealous when my phone dies.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a train.
Why can't orphans go on game shows?
You need a family member.
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W. H. O.
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?
Because they don't know who's Homer.
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a playground.
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.
Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.
Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he doesn't know if he is black or white.
Where did Lucy go after the bombing?
Everywhere.
Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?
They don’t deserve rights!
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
I like George Floyd's new song. It is really breathtaking.
