Worst Jokes Ever
Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
Why is a priest different from acne?
Acne waits to come on your face.
My dog died. I'm so sad.
What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!
Your forehead's so big that you dream in 4k.
SpongeBob did 9/11.
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
What is the difference between an apple spread and an orphan spread?
Apples get picked.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
If you take an emo kid grocery shopping.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.
That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.
That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.
Americans: We drive on the right side of the road.
The British: We drive on the left side of the road.
Russia: ROAD IS ROAD. *crashing noises follow*
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!
Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.