Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between an apple spread and an orphan spread?
Apples get picked.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.
So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"
So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
They ordered pepperoni, but they only got plane.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.
That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.
That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!
Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
If you take an emo kid grocery shopping.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
SpongeBob did 9/11.
What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.