Worst Jokes Ever
What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?
Answer: fire.
Why are vampires always sick?
Because they are coffin.
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
I hate stairs. They are always up to something.
I love stairs. They are always down to party.
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
What do you call a fast Panera Bread?
Panera Sped.
How are baseball and an orphan different?
A baseball game you can do a home run.
Why drink water and not bleach?
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.
What’s a vacuum cleaner’s favorite plant?
Answer: SUCCulent
When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.
Boy, your forehead so big, I can make a launchpad on that shit!
What do you call a very long bowl?
Manute Bowl.
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
What do you call a Muslim bee?
Habibee.
Why did the deer go to the dentist?
It had buck teeth.
I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!
It's called "The Bad Batch File!"
I just went to a Halloween party for rappers and rap DJs from the Czech Republic, and everyone was dressed in the same costume! I couldn't tell which witch was Wich!