Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.

After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."

So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."

NASA is going to probe Uranus, and it might take a while to get there.

Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

8 jelly tickles!

A man and a cow walk into a McDonalds, and the man walks up to the front counter and says, “I’d like one beef burger.” The employee of McDonalds said, “Sure thing sir, also I really like to see your cow, may I bring him into the back room really quick to show my co-workers?” The man says, “Sure.” The employee takes the cow into the back room. A couple minutes later, the employee came back with his burger. The man took a bite of it, and realized his cow was gone.

Why do you never see gay people in wheelchairs?

You can’t be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.