Worst Jokes Ever
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
What's your mom on?
Deez nuts!
What did the orphan say to the barber?
I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.
Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?
Because they have to pay for road tax.
My favorite book is "Brown Spots on the Ceiling" by Ho Fung Poo.
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
Your mama is so fat.
She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.
Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!
Say, "Moommy."
I heard helium won the lottery. Turns out, he lied.
Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.
Kobe is a legend and is nothing to joke about. Wait till you crash and burn!
Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.
You was reaching into you’re backpack and the whole class jumped through the window.