Worst Jokes Ever

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.

And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"

I'm weird.

Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?

Because it looks like a g-nome.

I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."

Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

Kalyn: Mrs. Frizzle,

Mrs. Frizzle: Sure.

Kalyn: Can you spell I-C-U-P for me?

Mrs. Frizzle: Shut up, you little fucktard!

This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!

Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁

I might have to back down on this because it is usually aimed for little children.

You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.

Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"

What do you call a girl with one leg? Ilean.

Wanna hear a pun?

Welp, I'll punch you with one!

Oliver

Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!

Rob: .....BECKY :3

Where's the best place to spawn camp at the hospital?

The maternity ward.

What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?

Your nan's a GILF!

Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.