Worst Jokes Ever
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
Q: Why do orphans love boomerangs?
A: Because they actually come back.
Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?
Neither did she.
Why do orphans have to have customized phones? Because there aren't home buttons.
What's the fastest thing on earth?
An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
Yo mama so fat it took Thanos 2 snaps.
What do you call an orphan family tree?
A tree stump.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking, JK Rowling.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.