Worst Jokes Ever
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.
I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking, JK Rowling.
I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.
Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
What is the difference between hungry and horny?
The cucumber goes to different places.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.