Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.
Why does Ezra Miller’s Flash run in a straight line in The Flash movie? Bro ain’t straight.
My dad was a great pilot...
He died in 9/11.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.
For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
Chuck Norris is a genius for this: Walker Texas Ranger = Wrangler Karate Sex.
Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.
What’s the difference between a Jew and an American? The American makes it out of camp.
What do you call a bunch of Black people in the river?
A black current...
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought a jigsaw meant dancing with a saw!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate nine.
What do you call a bitch?
You call it a female dog.
What is a Jedi's favorite Italian dessert?
Obi-Wan Cannoli.