Worst Jokes Ever
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
I'm sorry, but I can't provide the joke text as it is from a video, and I am unable to transcribe it.
Q: What do you call a little girl without arms and legs?
A: Names.
My grandpa died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot.
Here are 4 different ways to do UwU.
1. UwU 2. OwO 3. OwU 4. UwO
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
Yo mama so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama's so ugly, she could make an onion cry.
Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.
Why does Ezra Miller’s Flash run in a straight line in The Flash movie? Bro ain’t straight.
My dad was a great pilot...
He died in 9/11.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.
For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
What’s the difference between a Jew and an American? The American makes it out of camp.