Worst Jokes Ever
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
Why am I idiot?
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"
My will to live.
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
Why can’t you play games with cats? Because they always ‘cheetah’.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?
The husband answers her: Pretty.
The wife responds: Thank yo-
The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
Where did Susie go after the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
What did Steven Hawking say?
Nothing.
No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.
There's no one.