Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.
What does Kobe and the Twin Towers have in common?
The pilots just couldn't stick the landing.
Wow, that was explosive!
Man, I'm on fire 🔥 today!
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday...
Hitler walked so Kim can run.
How do ducks fart?
Out their butt, quack.
Wife is texting husband:
"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"
Husband: "seilghsielguG"
Wife: "Seriously, David?"
Husband: "fuweyadb"
Why can't cheetahs play any games?
Because they're cheetahs!
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
Geology rocks!
A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?
The apple was already bitten.
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?
"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Swallow cum, not gum.
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.
Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.