Worst Jokes Ever

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

Q: What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?

A: Putting them back in their wheelchair.

If you wanna hit somebody, hit an orphan, what are they gonna do... tell their parents?

Orphan: Shooting gun at shooting range, "I'm out of bullets, got a magazine?"

Guy: That's probably because you're single.

What's the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits until you're a teen to cum on your face.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?

A baby in the microwave.

Why are Americans so bad at chess? Because they already lost two towers.

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

My brother

Most embarrassing moment during sex, GO!

James Arnold: My grandma walked in while I was knife raping my wife.

Why are cheetahs the best animals?

The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.

A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.

Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.

Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.

One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.

Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.

While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.

A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.

Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.

With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.

Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.

Donald Trump has too much sand in his vagina.

A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."

"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"

"We're going with Trevor."

"Ok, what if it's a girl?"

"Then we'll have an abortion."

Yo mama so fat, she curves space and time.

Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.

Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?

Class: A cow says, "moo moo."

Teacher: Good.

Teacher: What does a sheep make?

Class: A sheep says, "baa baaa."

Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?

Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall you black mother fucke*!"

In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.

How many times do you tickle an octopus to make it laugh?

Ten-tickles.

What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.