Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for over 10 years.

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.

I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.

Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”

Person 2: “Seven.”

Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”

Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”

(Based on an encounter I had recently)

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

How did 10 die?

Because it was in between 9 and 11.

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

I am on the German website.

ふべrt Hubert Wonk Don DingT ding

Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.

I'd tell a slavery joke, but they've been flogged to death.

Did you know Disney is making a movie for suicidal people?

They're calling it Finding Emo.

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

Women’s rights.

I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3