Worst Jokes Ever

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

Hi. Hhhh yrddd.

Why can't there be a gay disabled person?

Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.

Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"

Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."

The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."

The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was Spanish for blowjob.

What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?

Hot wheels.

Chuck Norris is a genius for this: Walker Texas Ranger = Wrangler Karate Sex.

Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.

I'd tell a slavery joke, but they've been flogged to death.

Did you know Disney is making a movie for suicidal people?

They're calling it Finding Emo.

Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

Women’s rights.

I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?

Yeah, it's called RobberBand.

What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?

Zeedonk.

Cameron and Pav.

What's a delinquent mitten's favorite sport?

Badminton.