Worst Jokes Ever

Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.

Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.

I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.

He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.

Christianity.

If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

How do u catch a tame rabbit?

The tame way.

Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.

What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?

Carlos.

Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.

Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Somebody threw an EMP at him.

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So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

Why did 7 kill 11?

Because now 7 was even.

What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.

What time is it? It's time for lunch.

*Quoted by Bubble Guppies*

Hello.

Why can orphans type? Because they can’t find the home row.

Wife: Honey, I love you.

Husband: I love you all.

Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!