Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama so old, she was in third grade with Moses.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Stephen Hawking tried joining some music bands, but all of them rejected him... except Daft Punk.
My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
I tell short people to reach for the stars.
They are always a bit short of reach.
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."
Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"
Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"
"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."
"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
What is a cannibal's favorite dessert?
Brownies.
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
What does Jonathan Davis eat for breakfast?
Korn Flakes.
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.