Worst Jokes Ever

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

Why can’t orphans date?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well, no sir." And grandpa said then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said, "Let me get a hit of that," and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and Johnny said no again. And then papaw was shootin' his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d*ck reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f*ck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my ice cream!"

Why was Hitler a Baka at mathematics? Because he can only count to Nein.

I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.

Santa Claus gives a child a bike. The child was mad. Why? He had no legs.

Yo hairline so long that it doesn't have a stopping point.

You know the saying "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"

Wonderful saying! Horrible way to find out you're adopted! :DD

What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.

You know this joke really cracks up my bones!

What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?

"Windows Shut Down."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Discord.

Discord who?

I need discord to plug in the phone.

🌍: You're so hot!

🌎: How are you single?

☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!

How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?

Your dog is gone. ;)

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

I hate my life.

Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?

Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.

What has 10 wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

Bob: Kanye West.

Dad: No, but I can East.

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.