Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

A hippo is really heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter.

A guy goes to the store to buy thyme.

When he got back to put the thyme away he realized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing, it was just a big waste of your thyme.

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?

That's okay. There is really no point to it.

So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.

He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.

GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:

While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

Sugar Honey Ice Tea.

I FORGOT MY JOKE!

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

Bob: Kanye West.

Dad: No, but I can East.

American says: "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..."

Sardar ji says: "Accha, India me to shaadi.....Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"

I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?

Your dog is gone. ;)

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

I hate my life.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.

When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?

What did the shoes say to the pants?

"SUP, BRITCHES!"

The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.

Why did Gemma fall off her bike?

She got hit by a fridge.

What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?

Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!