Worst Jokes Ever

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

Definition of trust: two cannibals having oral sex.

Why did Billy drop his ice cream?

'Cause he got hit by a bus.

Yo mama's so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.

Sonic can run around the world in a second. I can do it in 0.5, but Chuck Norris has already done it before us.

I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.

He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

Why can't two Asians have a white baby?

Two wongs don't make a white.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It doesn't matter, he's dead.

"Why do people call Americans excessive?"

"It was probably because of WWII."

"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"

Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.

Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"

So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"

The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"

Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.

What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!

What's a priest's favorite fruit?

Cantaloupe.

Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.

Sans: What is Todoroki's favorite coffee creamer?

Half n' Half hehe.

Papyrus: Sans! He's not even part of our fandom!!!

Sans: Bro don't get so HOT headed about it. Just CHILL.

Sorry not sorry -sans

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Because it wasn't born yesterday.

What do you call the longest reigning monarch?

The queen? No, she dead.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

Make like a drum and beat it!