Worst Jokes Ever
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a square room and tell her to run in a circle.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"
Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."
How do Asians name their babies?
They throw pots and pans around.
"Ching, Chang, Clang!"
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Disabled.
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?