Worst Jokes Ever
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
My parents love me.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it wanted to be Argon.
How to make holy water:
1. Grab a pot.
2. Put water in it.
3. Set the stove to 420 degrees.
4. Boil the hell out of it.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
What did the neutrino say to the planet?
"Just passing through."
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? Rearranged the furniture.
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
How do you get a Japanese fanclub?
Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.
Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.