Worst Jokes Ever
Uranus floats around in space.
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
Why do disabled people always get picked on?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.
That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.
What would you call four Mexicans drowning in a lake?
*Answer: Quatro Cinco*
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
I speak for the trees.
*Trees whisper in my ear*
They said six million wasn't enough.
How does an octopus laugh? Buble buble.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Por que.
Por que who?
"That's all, folks," in the words of Por que Pig.