What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.
Worst Jokes Ever
The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"
I said, "Sexy."
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
best friend makes 9/11 joke.
you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."
best friend: "I'm sorry."
you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."
Why can't orphans do homework? They don't have a home to do it at.
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
What is an orphan's family portrait called?
A self-portrait.
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.
I apologize for my grammar.
