Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
I hope there is a lift to heaven. I shouldn’t be making jokes though.
What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?
Duhhuuughhhr.
Son: Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother had diabetes.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
Your clown is so stupid it took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
What's a pedophile's favorite place to go in?
Kum and Go.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?
One baby stapled to five trees.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
Me and my friend were duck hunting.
He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!" Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"
Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
What can a rock possibly say?
Answer: I'll fuck ya mum rock hard.
What's the first thing you say in anal sex..... "Holy shit!"