Worst Jokes Ever
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because it saw an iceberg selling candy.
Why did the Titanic sink? It's because they didn't want the icebergs' candy.
What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek?... You crack me up.
When they said Titanic was "unsinkable," then they said, "The World Trade Centers was uncollapsible."
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you told them twice.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
Because they need a parent signature.
Chuck Norris makes the living room the dying room!
What’s the worst part of a vegetable?
A wheelchair.
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
A pancake and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
What do you call a committee of emo kids?
A cutting board!
Helen threw up gang signs her whole life and didn't know.
Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.